Steady on the Lolita Road: Misako Aoki

Overview

Misako Aoki wrote this book reflecting on her journey in lolita fashion. It includes accounts of her personal history with lolita fashion and experiences in it, and a main theme throughout the book is balancing her participation in the fashion and asserting her identity as a lolita fashion enthusiast with the realities of life and the societal pressures all too often placed on female presenting adults, both in Japan and in general.

This book was released on May 24, 2023, just ahead of Aoki's 40th birthday. Details from the publisher's website can be viewed here (link opens in new window).

For those unfamiliar with her work, her short bio at the back of the book translates as follows:
"Born in 1983. Lolita fashion model and registered nurse. Debuted as a reader model while in high school, with appearances in KERA and other magazines. She is a charismatic personality in lolita fashion."

front and back covers

Introduction: This Princess is 34 Years Old p.18

Section 1: Welcome to the Profound World of Lolita Fashion

Things You Might Not Know: Lolita Fashion's Origins in Japan p.28
Sweet Lolita, Walolita, and More: The Profound World of Lolita Fashion p.31
Why Don't Lolita Models Smile? p.34
Betting Everything on a Fluffy Petticoat p.37
Anyone Can Be a Lolita, Even Senior Citizens and Men p.41
Living Every Day in Lolita p.44

Section 2: Lolita is My Battle Armor

Enchanted by Lolita p.50
The Reason I'm Compelled to Wear Lolita Fashion p.54
The Tragedy Behind the Success p.57
My Courage Switch p.60
I Am Me: Lolitas Forge Their Own Path p.63
My Home Base, A Supportive Family p.65

Section 3: Lolita Around the World

"Kawaii" Spread from Japan Around the World p.70
Searching for Freedom Among Limitations p.72
Looking at Japan's "Weird" From the Outside In p.76
Global Lolita is a Kaleidoscope p.78
The Hottest Thing in the Lolita World: China and "Chinese Lolita" p.81
"Kawaii" Transcends Borders p.85

Column 1: Relatable Lolita Travel Stories p.90

Section 4: Limelight and Headwinds

Adventures with "Low Price Lolita" p.94
Collaboration Opportunities Increased During the Pandemic p.97
Social Media Changed the Lolita Business Model p.99
How to Use Social Media, Misako-Style p.102
A Sudden Flurry of Insults p.104
Dealing with Repeated Adversity p.107

Section 5: In Search of Self Actualization

Lolita and Searching for a Marriage Partner p.112
Lolita and Looking Beyond Marriage p.115
It's All or Nothing p.120
My Life Changed When I Publicly Revealed My Age p.125
Searching for My Own Personal Weapon p.130

**Section 6: I Am a Lolita and a Nurse**

I Want to Be Pinoko p.134
Lolita or Nurse? Tough Times in Junior College p.136
Being a University Hospital Nurse is Rough p.140
Precisely Because You Have Both Work and a Hobby p.143
Off to Work as a Lolita Nurse! p.146
Having Two Jobs Rescues Me p.149

Column 2: A Typical Week in the Life of a Lolita Nurse p.152

In Conclusion: Declaration from a Lifelong Lolita and Nurse p.156

The book also includes two sets of color photos. At the beginning of the book is a set depicting Misako in her room getting ready for a day out. At the end of the book is another set showing her fully dressed in several different coordinates and doing various everyday activities like grocery shopping, laundry, driving, and preparing food at home. There's also a photo of her in a nurse uniform, riding a bicycle.

a sampling of the photo set from the end of the book (source)

Some particularly memorable parts

I love that Misako includes an entire chapter in Section 1 about how lolita fashion is for everyone. It's an important thing to say and I'm glad someone so prominent in this particular world is saying it loud and clear.

In a passage about collaborating with brands to make items and she thinks about their comfort and utility when working with the brands on designs, she says that she is possibly "the person who has worn lolita the most" in the world. On the surface, that sounds like quite the lofty claim. But given all her modeling experience since 2001 (nearly 25 years!) and seeing her in all of the different clothes she's worn in magazines and elsewhere, I think she's one of the few people outside of long-time designers themselves that can credibly say that. She has said elsewhere that her closet has over 1000 main pieces in it and has a room tour video (links open in new tabs). I imagine she's worn far more than just the ones she owns.

I would LOVE to hear more about her opinions on what makes a dress especially comfortable and wearable. I've owned and tried on and worn a lot of different items in my 12 years in the fashion so far, and have developed distinct preferences in materials and design to prioritize my comfort and align with the level of maintenance (laundry, repairs, etc) I'm willing to do. I don't necessarily actively think about those things every time I choose a dress from my closet but there are ones I tend to reach for more than others and I think it's good to explore the reasons for that. It helps you discover your personal style in more ways than just looks, and helps you focus on getting items that you can truly enjoy.

Misako in her closet room, from the photo set at the front of the book

Section 3 was one of my favorite parts of the book, especially her observations of how people living in different areas of the world "have combined lolita fashion with their own local culture and made it even cuter." These observations were mainly collected during her travels to 45 cities in 25 different countries as part of her duties as a Kawaii Ambassador (yes, this was an official Japanese government job). She was surprised at how far lolita fashion had reached and that so many people throughout the world love it, and gained a heartfelt appreciation for how infinitely adaptable it is. Her first stop was Paris, where she was impressed that the lolitas she met went to so much effort to stay informed about the fashion, like importing KERA and other Japanese magazines, and that so many people knew the word "kawaii." In Qatar, she was concerned about how a lolita fashion show would be received since women dress very conservatively in public, but she marveled at the creativity of the staff and models to adapt the looks to be socially acceptable while keeping with the spirit of the fashion (wearing tights under skirts, decorating hijab with ruffles and hair accessories, trimming abaya with lace and ruffles to mix the two fashion styles). Lolitas in China tend to favor extravagant and flamboyant styling, especially when mixing in traditional Chinese elements. Americans also prefer extravagant styling, with bright colored wigs, pop elements, and loud, playful looks. (She mentions being amazed by the handmade spiky madonna crowns and battery powered fairy lights in their skirts so she must have visited in the mid 2010s.) In contrast, French lolitas seem to prefer more traditional styling with a high-fashion type mood, and she thinks this is because they had direct access to Japanese brands at physical stores. She feels they have a lot of respect for the Japanese way of styling lolita and they want to show that respect by wearing their lolita fashion in a similar way.

I also enjoyed reading the column about traveling while dressed in lolita, sometimes out of sheer necessity because there wasn't time to get ready for an appearance at an event upon reaching her destination, or sometimes because there was not enough room in her luggage to pack everything she wanted to bring (very relatable indeed). She also talked about going through security checkpoints in various international airports while fully dressed up, and while there were some scary moments (for example, having her hair/wigs and petticoats physically searched for contraband, and being taken to another room for questioning when there were significant language barriers) she was ultimately allowed to proceed.

The second half of the book gets more personal and talks in detail about the more difficult parts of being involved in the fashion and how it has affected Misako's life. I am glad she was able to find a work-life balance that works for her even in her unusual circumstances. I also greatly respect that one of her goals of her continued participation in the world of lolita fashion is actively working to de-stigmatize being a fully grown adult (especially a female presenting one) that is also interested in cute fashion. Perhaps her greatest effort to that end was her 2017 appearance on "Seven Rules," a documentary style show aired on national TV about the lifestyles of women in different careers and the rules they live by. She writes that as a condition of being on the show, she was required to reveal her age. This made it very difficult for her to decide whether to participate because public opinion of the fashion in Japan was particularly bad at the time, and she was concerned about attracting even more negative attention than what she was already struggling with. However, she ultimately agreed to be on the show and says that being open about her age changed her entire life for the better. I looked for a full length video of this TV appearance and managed to find one! I plan to make a separate post about it. I also linked to the video at the end of this post if you are interested in watching it for yourself.

dressed up and waiting for a train, from the photo set at the back of the book

It is interesting that Misako gave details on how she builds her social media presence. These are the rules she works by:

Keep a consistent theme for your content
Wear seasonal coords
Don't post the same coord twice
Don't think of it as work

I'm not sure I agree with all of them but I don't post for money so maybe my approach is different for a reason. She also comments on her mixed feelings about social media. On the one hand, it can connect people from all over the world who love this fashion. On the other, it opens us up to a lot more potential negative interactions. It pains me to know that even she is subjected to verbal abuse by mean people on the internet but on the flip side of that, I think it's further evidence that these kinds of people are just screaming for attention and engagement so there's no reason to take anything they say personally. As a wise person once said long ago, don't feed the trolls (and "do not engage" is Misako's recommendation as well). Overall I think I would rather have social media than not because it's introduced me to some truly wonderful people and it makes it easy to stay in touch, but it's ever more important to use it judiciously and to learn when to step away when it is not serving you.

Overall impressions

One thing that stood out to me about this book is that I found it very easy to read, especially as a non-native learner of Japanese. It may have to do with the more conversational style of writing (as opposed to a novel or other works of fiction which is what I often end up reading in Japanese), Misako might write particularly clearly, she might have had a really good editor for the book manuscript, or perhaps all of those things. I didn't have to look up very many words to generally understand what was going on, though I did learn plenty of new vocabulary from reading this book.

Something I like about Misako in general and felt through this book too is that though there are definitely points where she has her "influencer hat" on, she seems genuine. While I have mixed (often negative) feelings about social media influencers in general, I am less bothered when she does it. I think if anyone deserves to make a living off promoting lolita and kawaii fashion, it's her. She's managed to make it work for nearly 25 years through huge changes in the landscape of the fashion and the business of buying and selling and promoting fashion in general, and seems to genuinely love it. It truly feels like she's not just doing it for free products, notoriety, or money. Her heart is in it.

I'm not actually sure how well modeling and influencing pays because she doesn't discuss it in detail, but given that she says nurse work is what makes her lifestyle economically feasible (even only working as a nurse a handful of days per month) and she lives with her parents, I can't imagine that influencer activities alone earn her anywhere near enough money to make a living all by themselves, and she writes that she is working with fashion brands and creating content for social media nearly every day. Again, she's doing it primarily because she loves it and believes in it, even after all this time, and that's something I can respect. I think it's really nice that someone who became a staple of this fashion community so long ago is still here, actively doing what she can to enjoy it for herself and also doing her best to spread that joy to other people.

the duality of Misako, from the photo set at the back of the book

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